Sunday, August 31, 2014

Coffee Lover



Colin Sydes Ice Bucket Challenge - 30th Aug 2014

Jokes for Sunday 31st August 2014

SydesJokes Blog
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SydesJokes Home Page (Site now an archive no longer updated)
http://www.SydesJokes.com/index2.html

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-> 95% of all diets and weight loss programs fail.
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-> 174 million Americans are overweight or obese.
-> The worldwide number is expected to double by 2030.
-> 25.8 million children and adults in the United States (8.3% of the population) have diabetes.

Source: Centers for Disease Control.

Check how Plexus products can help you lose weight --> http://PlexusSlim.com/ColinSydes

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SydesJokes Facebook Page Posts

Please Like the posts and leave your comments.

Cherish each moment with your children

http://on.fb.me/12HVL0x

A Flying Fuck

http://on.fb.me/12HVI4P

Here's To Nipples

http://on.fb.me/12HVL0C

Strong Coffee

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How Romantic

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Check more on Facebook --> http://SydesJokes.com/Facebook

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Joke # 1

Walt Disney Quote




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Joke # 2

All the politicians who were running for president promised change to the Jack American people. We send them billions and billions of tax dollars and they send us the change.

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Joke # 3

Then there's the woman who goes to the dentist. As he leans over to begin working on her, she grabs his crotch. The dentist says, "Madam, I believe you've got a hold of my privates."

The woman replies, "Yes. Now, we're going to be careful not to hurt each other, aren't we."

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Joke # 4

Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
A: Still no eye deer.

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Joke # 5

Tammy was waiting with the cart, browsing in the small appliances aisle, while Doug gathered a few last minute items. When Doug returned, Tammy was facing the opposite direction, so Doug silently approached and gave her a playful pat on the fanny.

Without turning around she said, "That had better be my husband. But if it's not, I shop here every Tuesday."

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Joke # 6

A student kept bugging his friend, "What time is it?"

Finally, his friend complained, "Why don't you get a watch like the rest of us."

"Why do I need a watch? There is always someone around to ask."

"But what can you do in the middle of the night, when you are alone and need to know what time it is?

"That's easy - I blow my shofar." (A Shofar is a Ram's horn, which is blown on Rosh Hashana and at the end of Yom Kippur - and sounds like a wailing voice)

"You what?"

"I blow my shofar. Whenever I wake up and need to know what time it is, I open the window and blow my shofar very loudly.. And literally within a few seconds, I hear someone yell ' Are you crazy? It's 2:45 in the morning!"

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Joke # 7

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble.

In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull from the stockyard in a far town so that they can breed their own stock. They only have $600 left.

Upon leaving, the brunette tells her sister, "When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home."

The brunette arrives at the stockyard, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it. The man tells her that he will sell it for $599, no less.

After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph office and says, "I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home."

The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, "It's just 99 cents a word."

Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word.

After a few minutes of thinking, she nods and says, "I want you to send her the word "comfortable."

The operator shakes his head. "How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her just the word "comfortable?"

The brunette explains, "My sister's blonde. The word's big.She'll read it very slowly ... com-for-da-bull."

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Joke # 8

Q: Why was six afraid of seven?
A: Because seven eight nine.

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SydesJokes Blog Posts

Garage Doors 1

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/02/garage-doors-1.html

Live In An Era

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/02/live-in-era.html

Time Changes Everything

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/02/time-changes-everything.html

Dreams

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/02/dreams.html

Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/02/three-italian-nuns-die-and-go-to-heaven.html

More funny posts --> http://bit.ly/h97b22

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SydesJokes Video Clips

Amazing Golf Shot

http://bit.ly/dBcphA

Unbelieveable Shot

http://bit.ly/cDsNOD

Human Bicycle

http://bit.ly/r59bNa

Ace Beer Drinker

http://bit.ly/8YPaBs

How Lucky Is This Guy

http://bit.ly/9q48PD


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Saturday, August 30, 2014

Charlie Sheen #Quote



Becoming a vegetarian



Mosquito on testicles

Jokes for Saturday 30th August 2014

SydesJokes Blog
http://SydesJokes.blogspot.com/

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http://flickr.com/photos/SydesJokes/

SydesJokes Home Page (Site now an archive no longer updated)
http://www.SydesJokes.com/index2.html

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Advertisement

Plexus Slim

Consider the following:

-> 95% of all diets and weight loss programs fail.
-> 8 out of 10 Americans over the age of 25 are overweight.
-> 174 million Americans are overweight or obese.
-> The worldwide number is expected to double by 2030.
-> 25.8 million children and adults in the United States (8.3% of the population) have diabetes.

Source: Centers for Disease Control.

Check how Plexus products can help you lose weight --> http://PlexusSlim.com/ColinSydes

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

SydesJokes Facebook Page Posts

Please Like the posts and leave your comments.

Be Honest

http://on.fb.me/12HVKd4

Being at home with love ones

http://on.fb.me/12HVHxH

Best Friends

http://on.fb.me/12HVHxU

Fishing Test 1

http://on.fb.me/12HVKJY

Fishing Test 2

http://on.fb.me/12HVKK7

Check more on Facebook --> http://SydesJokes.com/Facebook

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Joke # 1

Weather when working




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Joke # 2

It's easy to admire a good loser at a strip-poker party.

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Joke # 3

Wife: "Honey, this afternoon the big clock fell off the wall. Had it fallen a moment sooner, my mother would have been hit on the head and badly hurt."

Husband: "I knew that damn clock was slow."

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Joke # 4

Q: Why did the monkey put a piece of steak on his head?
A: He thought he was a griller.

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Joke # 5

A police officer arrives at an accident scene where apparently three blondes have leaped to their death from a very tall building.

He suddenly notices that one is still breathing so he approaches her and asks, "Why did you three beautiful girls leap out of that building?"

The blond answers in a very weak voice, "We wanted to try out our new maxi-pads with wings..."

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Joke # 6

A businessman packing for a trip glances in his briefcase.

"Honey?"

"Yes, darling?"

"Honey," he says, in mild exasperation, "why do you persist in putting a condom in my briefcase every time I go on a trip? You know I only have eyes for you. I'd never be unfaithful."

"Oh, I know, darling, and I trust you," she replies sweetly, "It's just that, well you know, with all those terrible diseases out there, it would make me feel better to know that if anything did happen, you'd be protected. So please, darling, take it with you, won't you?
For my sake?"

"Oh, alright, if you put it that way," he relented, "I'll do it for you. But for Pete's sake, give me more than one!"

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Joke # 7

The telephone lineman had been out drinking the night before, and the next day he went to work not feeling too good.

He climbed to the top of the first pole and as he took his pliers out to repair the wire he dropped them. He had to climb all the way down to retrieve them. As he got to the bottom of the pole and was picking up his pliers, a small boy who was standing there said,

"My daddy is a lineman too and he would have had two pair of pliers, so he wouldn't have to climb down the pole if he dropped one of them".

The lineman tied to ignore the boy and climbed back up the pole very slowly. About his time he needed a hammer to drive in a large nail. As he was taking it out, it slipped and fell to the ground. Again he had to climb down the pole to retrieve it. So he slowly climbed down the pole and sure enough the little boy was still standing there. He said,

"My daddy is a lineman too and he would have carried two hammers so if he had lost one he wouldn't have to climb down".

This irritated the lineman, but he ignored the boy and climbed back up the pole to finish his work. He was no sooner up the pole when he had to go to the bathroom, so down he climbs from the pole and goes over to the bushes to take a leak. As he was relieving himself he saw the little boy watching him through the bushes.

He'd had it with this kid so he says to him,

"I'll bet your dad doesn't have two of these, does he?"

The boy replied, "No, but his would make two of yours".

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Joke # 8

Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes?
A: No eye deer.

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SydesJokes Blog Posts

Simple Sentence 6

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/02/simple-sentence-6.html

To Do List

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/02/to-do-list.html

Bitch

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/02/bitch.html

Will Never Know

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/02/will-never-know.html

Simple Sentence 5

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/02/simple-sentence-5.html

More funny posts --> http://bit.ly/h97b22

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SydesJokes Video Clips

Plaxico Burress On Gun Safety

http://bit.ly/bQG8cW

Watersports

http://bit.ly/c9gBOH

Hotwings Commercial

http://bit.ly/cy9NXt

Nerds

http://bit.ly/cYhdyp

Kissing

http://bit.ly/gR4iCJ


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Friday, August 29, 2014

Discipline



Coffee



Coffeeology



20 Creepy Places Where Nightmares Are Born - 4 of 4

Wine O'Clock



Leninade



Cut down trees



Respect for Others



Parents



The purpose of life



20 Creepy Places Where Nightmares Are Born - 3 of 4

Jokes for Friday 29th August 2014

SydesJokes Blog
http://SydesJokes.blogspot.com/

SydesJokes Facebook Page
http://SydesJokes.com/Facebook

SydesJokes Twitter
http://twitter.com/SydesJokes

SydesJokes Flickr Photostream
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SydesJokes Home Page (Site now an archive no longer updated)
http://www.SydesJokes.com/index2.html

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Advertisement

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Consider the following:

-> 95% of all diets and weight loss programs fail.
-> 8 out of 10 Americans over the age of 25 are overweight.
-> 174 million Americans are overweight or obese.
-> The worldwide number is expected to double by 2030.
-> 25.8 million children and adults in the United States (8.3% of the population) have diabetes.

Source: Centers for Disease Control.

Check how Plexus products can help you lose weight --> http://PlexusSlim.com/ColinSydes

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SydesJokes Facebook Page Posts

Please Like the posts and leave your comments.

Your iPhone 5 arrived

http://on.fb.me/12HVE52

Pro-gas-ti-na-tion

http://on.fb.me/12HVE5b

Adulthood

http://on.fb.me/12HVJWo

Arrogant Bastard Beer

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Bacon

http://on.fb.me/12HVHhb

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Joke # 1

When someone is nasty




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Joke # 2

A shin is a device for finding furniture in the dark.

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Joke # 3

A couple is lying in bed. The man says, 'I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world.'

The woman replies, 'I'll miss you...'

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Joke # 4

Q: What is black, white and red all over?
A: A skunk with nappy rash.

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Joke # 5

I recall a time when my son was about 18 months old. I had him strapped into a backpack and was rushing to catch the bus. Apparently I mis-stepped and fell down an entire flight of stairs (13 to be exact). I was bruised and bleeding and had torn my jeans ... but my main concern was, naturally, for my child.

My fears were alleviated, though, when from behind me I heard a gleeful giggle followed by, "Again!"

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Joke # 6

I went into a liquor store the other day without my ID, and the clerk asked me, "Are you 21?"

At first I was flattered when he asked for an ID. I told him I had not brought it because I thought I looked over 21. Then he asked me to smile, so I grinned at him. He stuck his face over the counter, peered at me closely, and just handed me the bottle.

I asked, "What were you looking at?"

He said, "Your crow's feet."

I asked, "Why didn't you just ask me to pull up my shirt and show you my sagging breasts?"

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Joke # 7

Queen with large breasts

Once upon a time lived a beautiful Queen with large breasts.

Nick the Dragon Slayer obsessed over the Queen for this reason.

He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death should he try to touch them, but he had to try.

One day Nick revealed his secret desire to his colleague, David the physician, the King's chief doctor.

David thought about this and said that he could arrange for Nick to more than satisfy his desire, but it would cost him 1000 gold coins to arrange it.

Without pause, Nick readily agreed to the scheme.

The next day, David made a batch of itching powder and poured a little bit into the Queen's bra while she bathed.

Soon after she dressed, the itching commenced and grew intense.

Upon being summoned to the Royal Chambers to address this incident, David informed the King and Queen that only a special saliva, if applied for four hours, would cure this type of itch, and that tests had shown that, among all of the citizens of the kingdom, only the saliva of Nick would work as the antidote to cure the itch.

The King, eager to help his Queen, quickly summoned Nick to their chambers.

David then slipped Nick the antidote for the itching powder, which he put into his mouth, and for the next four hours, Nick worked passionately on the Queen's large and magnificent breasts.

The Queen's itching was eventually relieved, and Nick left satisfied and was hailed by the King and Queen as a hero.

Upon returning to his chamber, Nick found David demanding his payment of 1000 gold coins.

With his obsession now satisfied, Nick couldn't have cared less knowing that David could never report this matter to the King and with a laugh told him to get lost.

The next day, David slipped a massive dose of the same itching powder into the King's underwear.

The King immediately summoned Nick . . .

The moral of the story - Pay your fuckin' bills.

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Joke # 8

Q: Why did the man jump out of the window?
A: He wanted to catch a butterfly.

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SydesJokes Blog Posts

Simple Sentence 8

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/02/simple-sentence-8.html

Garage Doors 2

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/02/garage-doors-2.html

Diseases

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/02/diseases.html

Simple Sentence 7

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/02/simple-sentence-7.html

New Yorker Map

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/02/new-yorker-map.html

More funny posts --> http://bit.ly/h97b22

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SydesJokes Video Clips

Robert De Niro Car Salesman

http://bit.ly/aGwOwh

Bad Formula One Crash

http://bit.ly/bLuwZ7

Travel in Groups

http://bit.ly/cPfspu

Hotel Maid

http://bit.ly/bDwJlG

Bicycle Dog

http://bit.ly/a3GpqT


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20 Creepy Places Where Nightmares Are Born - 2 of 4

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Remembering Robin Williams: His 10 Most Inspirational #Quotes



10 Scientific Ways To Be Happy



Jokes for Wednesday 27th August 2014

SydesJokes Blog
http://SydesJokes.blogspot.com/

SydesJokes Facebook Page
http://SydesJokes.com/Facebook

SydesJokes Twitter
http://twitter.com/SydesJokes

SydesJokes Flickr Photostream
http://flickr.com/photos/SydesJokes/

SydesJokes Home Page (Site now an archive no longer updated)
http://www.SydesJokes.com/index2.html

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

Advertisement

Plexus Slim

Consider the following:

-> 95% of all diets and weight loss programs fail.
-> 8 out of 10 Americans over the age of 25 are overweight.
-> 174 million Americans are overweight or obese.
-> The worldwide number is expected to double by 2030.
-> 25.8 million children and adults in the United States (8.3% of the population) have diabetes.

Source: Centers for Disease Control.

Check how Plexus products can help you lose weight --> http://PlexusSlim.com/ColinSydes

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

SydesJokes Facebook Page Posts

Please Like the posts and leave your comments.

You're Fat

http://on.fb.me/12HVD10

Applying for a job at IKEA

http://on.fb.me/12HVFGc

Eleanor Roosevelt #Quote

http://on.fb.me/12HVFWB

Talk to guy about her problems

http://on.fb.me/12HVD16

I'm Not fat

http://on.fb.me/12HVGd2

Check more on Facebook --> http://SydesJokes.com/Facebook

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Joke # 1

Window's Phone




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Joke # 2

Politicians are the only people in the world who create problems and then campaign against them

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Joke # 3

A teacher said to her student Susan, "Punctuate the following sentence: Fun fun fun worry worry worry."

Susan thought for a moment and began her reply, "Let's see... Fun period Fun period Fun no period worry worry worry."

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Joke # 4

Q: What's the difference between Big Foot and an intelligent man?
A: Big Foot's been spotted several times.

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Joke # 5

Two women were chatting and one asked the other, "What would you do if you caught your husband with another woman?"

The second woman said, "Another woman with MY honey? Let's see; I would break her cane, kick her guide dog, and call a cab to take her back to the institution from which she escaped!"

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Joke # 6

Young Pauly found a girlfriend, but neither one of them knew what to do about sex (one would have thought it's intuitive, but there you have it).

They went to Maury for advice, and Maury told the young woman to undress and get on the bed and he would show them what to do.

The young woman undressed as she was told by Maury and preceded to get on the bed. Experienced Maury then began to show them the steps involved in making love, in every possible position.

When he was finished, he said to Pauly, "Now you can take her home and practice what I have shown you."

The young woman said, "Wait a minute Maury, show him again what to do... he is a little forgetful."

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Joke # 7

Two Irishmen, Paddy and Paddy, went out one day and each brought a pig. When they got home, Paddy turned to Paddy and said, "Paddy, me ol'mate, how are we going to tell who owns which Fookin' Pig?"

Paddy says, "Well Paddy, I'll cut one of te ears off my Fookin Pig,and ten we can tell them apart." "Ah, dat id be grand," says Paddy. This worked fine until a couple of weeks later, when Paddy stormed into the house. "Paddy" he said, "Your Fookin Pig has chewed the ear off my Fookin Pig. Now we got two fookin pigs with one ear each. How are we going to tell who owns which fookin pig.?"

"Well Paddy," says Paddy,"I'll cut ta other ear off my fookin pig. Ten we'll ave two fookin pigs and only one of them will avan ear". "Ah tat'd be grand" says Paddy. Again, this worked fine until a couple of weeks later, when Paddy again stormed into the house. "Paddy", he said, "Your fookin pig has chewed the other ear offa my fookin pig!!!." Now, we got two fookin pigs with no fookin ears!!!. How we gonna tell who owns which fookin pig?"

"Ah, dis is serious, Paddy" said Paddy. " I'll tell ya what I'll do. I'll cut de tail offa my fookin pig. Den we'll av two fookin pigs with no fookin ears and only one fookin tail." "Ah tat'd be grand" says Paddy.

Another couple of weeks went by and..........you guessed it,Paddy stormed into the house once more.

"PADDY," shouted Paddy, "YOUR FOOKIN' PIG HAS CHEWED THE FOOKIN' TAIL OFF A MY FOOKIN' PIG, AND NOW WE GOT TWO FOOKIN' PIGS WITH NO FOOKIN' EARS AND NO FOOKIN' TAILS!!!!!!!!! HOW DE FOOK ARE WE GONNA FOOKIN' TELL 'EM APART!!!!!!!!"

"Ah, Fook it" says Paddy, "how's abouts you have the black one,and I'll have the white one"

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Joke # 8

Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?
A: Trustworthy.

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SydesJokes Blog Posts

Advertise

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/02/advertise.html

Simple Sentence 12

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/02/simple-sentence-12.html

Simple Sentence 11

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/02/simple-sentence-11.html

Simple Sentence 10

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/02/simple-sentence-10.html

Political Humour

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/02/political-humour.html

More funny posts --> http://bit.ly/h97b22

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SydesJokes Video Clips

Dangers of Taking A Leak

http://bit.ly/cCeMUa

Carrier Crash Landing

http://bit.ly/9doHkJ

Good Contractor

http://bit.ly/apxjEp

Dave Chapelle - Quit Smoking

http://bit.ly/c2ssXy

Postmans Revenge

http://bit.ly/dxAJx3


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Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Worst slide ever



Monopoly



Mr. Bean asking for likes



There is a difference



Jokes for Tuesday 26th August 2014

SydesJokes Blog
http://SydesJokes.blogspot.com/

SydesJokes Facebook Page
http://SydesJokes.com/Facebook

SydesJokes Twitter
http://twitter.com/SydesJokes

SydesJokes Flickr Photostream
http://flickr.com/photos/SydesJokes/

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Joke # 1

Walt Disney Quote




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Joke # 2

Have you ever wondered if the dude who named today Thursday was thirsty?

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Joke # 3

A dog walks into a bar and says, "Hey, guess what? I'm a talking dog, ever seen a talking dog before? I doubt it! So...how about a free drink for the talking dog?"

The bartender answers, "Sure, why not, the toilet's right around the corner."

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Joke # 4

Q: What do you call a Fish without an eye?
A: A 'Fsh'!

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Joke # 5

The young couple invited their elderly pastor for Sunday dinner. While they were in the kitchen preparing the meal, the minister asked their son what they were having.

"Goat," the little boy replied.

Goat?" replied the startled man of the cloth, "Are you sure about that?"

"Yep," said the youngster. "I heard Dad say to Mom, 'Today is just as good as any to have the old goat for dinner.'"

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Joke # 6

A man took his wife to a Broadway show. During the play he become strangely aroused and decided to go to the bathroom to masturbate, so he hurried to find the bathrooms.

He searched in vain for the rest rooms, but instead, all he found was a beautiful fountain with foliage.

Nobody was watching, so he dropped his pants and masturbated furiously. When he finally got back into the auditorium, he searched in the dark until he found his wife. "Did I miss much of the second act?" he asked.

"Miss it?" she said, "You were starring in it!"

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Joke # 7

Life Lesson Laws for Engineers

Law #1: In any calculation, any error which can creep in will do so.

Law #2: Any error in any calculation will be in the direction of most harm.

Law #3: In any formula, constants (especially those obtained from engineering handbooks) are to be treated as variables.

Law #4: The best approximation of service conditions in the laboratory will not begin to meet those conditions encountered in actual service.

Law #5: The most vital dimension on any plan drawing stands the most chance of being omitted.

Law #6: If only one bid can be secured on any project, the price will be unreasonable.

Law #7: If a test installation functions perfectly, all subsequent production units will malfunction.

Law #8: All delivery promises must be multiplied by a factor of 2.0.

Law #9: Major changes in construction will always be requested after fabrication is nearly complete.

Law #10: Parts that positively cannot be assembled in improper order will be.

Law #11: Interchangeable parts won't.

Law #12: Manufacturer's specifications of performance should be multiplied by a factor of 0.5.

Law #13: Salespeople's claims for performance should be multiplied by a factor of 0.25.

Law #14: Installation and Operating Instructions shipped with the device will be promptly discarded by the Receiving Department.

Law #15: Any device requiring service or adjustment will be the least accessible.

Law #16: Service conditions as given on specifications will be exceeded.

Law #17: If more than one person is responsible for a miscalculation, no one will be at fault.

Law #18: Identical units which test in an identical fashion will not behave in an identical fashion in the field.

Law #19: If, in engineering practice, a safety factor is sent through the service experience at an ultimate value, an ingenious idiot will promptly calculate a method to exceed said safety factor.

Law #20: Warranty and guarantee clauses are voided by payment of the invoice.

Law #21: The rule for engineers: "Change the data to fit the curve."

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Joke # 8

Q: Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
A: They won't stop to ask directions.

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SydesJokes Blog Posts

Simple Sentence 14

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/02/simple-sentence-14.html

Every Year

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/02/every-year.html

Simple Sentence 13

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/02/simple-sentence-13.html

A Bitch

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/02/bitch_16.html

Danger

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2012/02/danger.html

More funny posts --> http://bit.ly/h97b22

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SydesJokes Video Clips

Womens Instructional Video

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Seat Panda

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Dramatic Acrobat

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First Blind Date

http://bit.ly/bMaiio

Who Let the Dogs Out

http://bit.ly/d0UsD1


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