Tuesday, March 31, 2015

Some People Ride The Crazy Train

Jokes for Tuesday 31st March 2015

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SydesJokes Facebook Page Posts

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You have a choice

http://on.fb.me/12HVN8w

Woman's Language

http://on.fb.me/12HVNoY

No Horse Meat

http://on.fb.me/12HVNFy

Staple Guns

http://on.fb.me/12HVPNM

Vibrators

http://on.fb.me/12HVNW7

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Joke # 1

The greatest gift you can give someone




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Joke # 2

If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers. (Murphy's Law of Lockers)

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Joke # 3

A man commissioned Picasso to paint a portrait of his wife. Startled by the nonrepresentational image on the canvas, the woman's husband complained, "It isn't how she really looks."

When asked by the painter how she really looked, the man produced a photograph from his wallet.

Returning the photography Pablo observed, "Small, isn't she?"

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Joke # 4

Q: Why did the blonde bake a chicken for 3 and a half days?
A: It said cook it for half an hour per pound, and she weighed 125.

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Joke # 5

First guy: "I'm really in the doghouse. I ran afoul of one of those trick questions women ask."

Second guy: "What kind of question?"

First guy: "She asked me if I would still love her when she was old, fat, and ugly."

Second guy: "That's easy. You just say, 'Of course I will.'"

First guy: "Yeah, that's what I meant to say. But what came out was, 'Of course I do.'"

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Joke # 6

A college business professor noticed that one of his students was late to class for the third time that week. Before class ended, he went around the room asking students questions about the day's lecture. Of course, he made sure to pick on his tardy pupil.

And who was it that developed the theories behind communism? the professor asked.

I don't know, the student said.

Perhaps if you came to class on time, Mr. Roberts, you would know, said the professor.

That's not true, the student replied. "I never pay attention anyway!"

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Joke # 7

The Pope lands at an airport just in time to get to an important meeting. His limo driver speedily takes off, but the Pope needs him to go faster in order to get to his meeting on time. The Pope asks the driver to switch places so the Pope can drive.

They speedily take off again, but unfortunately, the speeding car is stopped by a cop. The police officer takes one look at the situation and radios in to police headquarters. He tells the chief that he's got a pretty important person on his hands.

The police chief asked, "Is he more important than the mayor?"

The cop said, "Yes."

Then the chief asked, "Is he more important than the governor?"

The cop said, "Yes."

Then the chief asked, "Is he more important than the President?"

The cop said, "Yes."

Finally, the chief asked, "How important can he be?"

The cop said, "I don't know, but he's got the Pope for a driver."

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Joke # 8

Q: What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?
A: A stick.
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SydesJokes Blog Posts

Homemade Lamborghini built in 10 years

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2010/04/homemade-lamborghini-built-in-10-years.html

Password Audit

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2010/04/password-audit.html

Capsule Hotel

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2010/04/capsule-hotel.html

Art With Fingers

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2010/04/art-with-fingers.html

Strange Weddings

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2010/04/strange-weddings.html

More funny posts --> http://bit.ly/h97b22

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SydesJokes Video Clips

Three Ways To Fail A Drunk Test

http://bit.ly/a6qm7P

Changing Tyres Can Be Dangerous #1

http://bit.ly/dyUWM3

Busta Rhymes

http://bit.ly/aILzh7

Driving Up Steep Slope #3

http://bit.ly/9My2Qi

Beer Commercial

http://bit.ly/cGF4er


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Monday, March 30, 2015

Jokes for Monday 30th March 2015

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SydesJokes Facebook Page Posts

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Sometimes I pretend to be normal

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Start living life Fearlessly

http://on.fb.me/12HVP0b

Sometimes

http://on.fb.me/12HVMBy

Stay a bit overweight

http://on.fb.me/12HVMRY

Trust

http://on.fb.me/12HVPgH

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Joke # 1

I got so drunk last night




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Joke # 2

As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold. (Law of Coffee)

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Joke # 3

Doctor: - Madam, please prepare your husband for the worst!

Wife: - Oh God, will he die?

Doctor:- No. He will not be allowed to drink any beer!

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Joke # 4

Q: Why did the blonde keep putting quarters in the soda vending machine?
A: Because she thought she was winning.

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Joke # 5

Sunday after church, a Mom asked her very young daughter what the lesson was about.

The daughter answered, "Don't be scared, you'll get your quilt."

Needless to say, the Mom was perplexed. Later in the day, the pastor stopped by for tea and the Mom asked him what that morning's Sunday school lesson was about.

He said "Be not afraid, thy comforter is coming."

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Joke # 6

How was your golf game, dear? asked Jack's wife Jill.

Well, I was hitting pretty well, but my eyesight's gotten so bad I couldn't see where the ball went.

But you're seventy-five years old, Jack! admonished his wife, "Why don't you take my brother Peter along?"

But he's eighty-five and doesn't even play golf anymore, protested Jack.

But he's got perfect eyesight. He could watch your ball, Jill pointed out.

The next day Jack teed off with Peter looking on. Jack swung, and the ball disappeared down the middle of the fairway. "Do you see it?" asked Jack.

Yup, Peter answered.

Well, where is it? yelled Jack, peering off into the distance.

I forgot.

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Joke # 7

There was a religious woman who had to do a lot of traveling for her business. Flying made her very nervous, so she always took her Bible along with her.

One time, she was sitting next to a man. When he saw her pull out her Bible, he gave a little chuckle and smirk and went back to what he was doing.

After a while, he turned to her and asked, "You don't really believe all that stuff in there do you?"

The woman replied, "Of course I do. It is the Bible."

He said, "Well, what about that guy that was swallowed by that whale?"

She replied, "Oh, Jonah. Yes, I believe that, it is in the Bible."

He asked, "Well, how do you suppose he survived all that time inside the whale?"

The woman said, "Well, I don't really know. I guess when I get to heaven, I will ask him."

What if he isn't in heaven? the man asked sarcastically.

Then you can ask him, replied the woman.

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Joke # 8

Q: Why did the blonde take 16 friends to the movies?
A: Under 17 not admitted!

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SydesJokes Blog Posts

Blind Boy

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2010/04/blind-boy.html

Rude Customer

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2010/04/rude-customer.html

Marriage Counceling Southern Style

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2010/04/marriage-counceling-southern-style.html

Redneck Bumper Stickers

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2010/04/redneck-bumper-stickers.html

A Lesson In Physics

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2010/04/lesson-in-physics.html

More funny posts --> http://bit.ly/h97b22

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SydesJokes Video Clips

Heinz First Date

http://bit.ly/b2lyaV

Nimrod Landing

http://bit.ly/9W18vj

The Front Fell Off

http://bit.ly/cRG9Wn

Tiger Woods on Wii

http://bit.ly/cpy1yc

Sony Notebook

http://bit.ly/cRSazE


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Jokes for Sunday 29th March 2015

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Always remember

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Tiagra

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Had sex with husband

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Raise a lady

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Some People

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Joke # 1

Eleanor Roosevelt Quote




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Joke # 2

At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last. (Theatre Rule)

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Joke # 3

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her 4th grade class.

After explaining the commandment to honor thy father and mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"

Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill."

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Joke # 4

Q: Did you hear about the guy who's a dyslexic-bulimic?
A: He eats, and then he sticks his finger up his ass.

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Joke # 5

A man is waiting in line for a hit movie. Behind him are two women.

The usher comes along and says that he has two seats together.

Seeing the problem, the usher says to the man. "Let them go first.

You wouldn't want to separate a woman from her mother, would you?"

The man says, "No, sir. I did that once, and I've been sorry ever since."

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Joke # 6

A man was driving home one evening and realized that it was his daughter's birthday and he hadn't bought her a present. He drove to the mail and ran to the toy store and he asked the store manager

How much is that new Barbie in the window?

The Manager replied, "Which one? We have:

'Barbie goes to the gym' for $19.95...
'Barbie goes to the Ball' for $19.95...
'Barbie goes shopping for $19.95...
'Barbie goes to the beach' for $19.95...
'Barbie goes to the Nightclub' for $19.95...
and 'Divorced Barbie' for $375.00".

Why is the Divorced Barbie $375.00, when all the others are $19.95? Dad asked surprised.

Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's car, Ken's House, Ken's Boat, Ken's dog, Ken's cat and Ken's furniture.

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Joke # 7

The authorities were leading a priest, a drunkard and an engineer to the guillotine. They asked the priest if he wanted to face up or down when he meets his fate.

The priest said that he would like to face up so that he will be looking toward heaven when he dies. So, they raise the blade of the guillotine, release it and it comes speeding down and suddenly stops just inches from his neck.

The authorities take this as divine intervention and release the priest.

Next the drunkard comes to the guillotine. He also decides to die face up hoping that he will be as fortunate as the priest. They raise the blade of the guillotine, release it and it comes speeding down and suddenly stops just inches from his neck.

So, the authorities release the drunkard as well.

Next is the engineer. He also decides to die facing up. They slowly raise the blade of the guillotine when suddenly the engineer shouts, "WAIT!!! I think the problem is right there where the cable is binding!!!"

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Joke # 8

Q: What do your boss and a slinky have in common?
A: They're both fun to watch tumble down the stairs.

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SydesJokes Blog Posts

Unusual Park Benches

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2010/05/unusual-park-benches.html

Not Yet Invented Devices

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2010/05/not-yet-invented-devices.html

Titanic Model

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2010/05/titanic-model.html

Terror alert levels around the world

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2010/04/terror-alert-levels-around-world.html

Al Qaeda on Strike

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2010/04/al-qaeda-on-strike.html

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SydesJokes Video Clips

Chinese Drum Girls

http://bit.ly/boHv8x

Topless Bar

http://bit.ly/cRS6w2

Wrong Gift Again

http://bit.ly/cxyt9t

Dancing Truck

http://bit.ly/diW1dt

The New Battle of New Orleans

http://bit.ly/ctir4v


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Jokes for Saturday 28th March 2015

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Damn Right

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Andre Gide #Quote

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Always believe that something wonderful is about to happen

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Three horrible facts

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Of course I love you

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Joke # 1

Inner Peace




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Joke # 2

If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again; it was probably worth it.

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Joke # 3

The teacher was giving a lesson on verb tenses to her second-grade class, explaining the past, present, and future tenses.

The past is what has already happened, such as eating your breakfast and morning recess, she explained. "The present is right now; what's happening at this moment. The next tense is about what's going to happen. Does anyone know what we call what's going to happen next?"

I know said one boy. "Lunch!"

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Joke # 4

Q: Did you hear that Fed Ex and UPS are going to merge?
A: Yeah. They're going to call it FED UP!

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Joke # 5

How was your blind date? a college student asked her roommate.

Terrible! the roommate answered. "He showed up in his 1932 Rolls Royce."

Wow! That's a very expensive car. What's so bad about that?

He was the original owner.

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Joke # 6

Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents the week before Christmas. At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the youngest one began praying at the top of his lungs.

I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE ...

I PRAY FOR A NEW NINTENDO ...

I PRAY FOR A NEW VCR ...

His older brother leaned over and nudged the younger brother and said, "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf."

To which the little brother replied,

No, but Grandma is!

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Joke # 7

An Italian, a Scotsman and a Chinese fellow are hired at a construction site.

The foreman points out a huge pile of sand and says to the Italian guy, "You're in charge of sweeping."

To the Scotsman he says, "You're in charge of shoveling."

And to the Chinese guy, "You're in charge of the supplies."

He then says, "Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you guys to make a dent in that there pile."

So the foreman goes away for a couple hours and when he returns, the pile of sand is untouched. He asks the Italian,

Why didn't you sweep any of it?

The Italian replies, "I no hava no broom. You saida to the Chinese a fella that he a wasa in a charge of supplies, but he hasa disappeared and I no coulda finda him nowhere."

Then the foreman turns to the Scotsman and says, "And you, I thought I told you to shovel this pile."

The Scotsman replies, "Aye, ye did lad, boot ah couldnay get meself a shoovel! Ye left th' Chinese gadgie in chairge of supplies, boot ah couldnay fin' him either."

The foreman is really angry now and storms off toward the pile of sand to look for the Chinese guy ...

Just then, the Chinese guy leaps out from behind the pile of sand and yells . . .

SUPPLIES!

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Joke # 8

Q: What's the difference between a car salesman and a computer salesman?
A: The car salesman can probably drive!

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SydesJokes Blog Posts

Engineering Question

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2010/05/engineering-question.html

Off Shore Drilling

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2010/05/off-shore-drilling.html

Abstract Noun

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2010/05/abstract-noun.html

Unusual Shopping Bag Designs

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2010/05/unusual-shopping-bag-designs.html

Medical Dictionary Terms

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2010/05/medical-dictionary-terms.html

More funny posts --> http://bit.ly/h97b22

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SydesJokes Video Clips

Interesting USB Stick

http://bit.ly/bGEN36

Isn't Spring Great

http://bit.ly/dbDkrY

Hamster Mail

http://bit.ly/aHvQDm

Last Space in the Carpark

http://bit.ly/8YEG0D

A Little Class

http://bit.ly/jbS5lt


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Jokes for Friday 27th March 2015

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Cherish each moment with your children

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A Flying Fuck

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Here's To Nipples

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Strong Coffee

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How Romantic

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Joke # 1

The first step




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Joke # 2

Good judgment comes from bad experience and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

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Joke # 3

A man was on his way home with a new car, which was absorbing all his attention, when it struck him that he had forgotten something. Twice he stopped, counted his parcels, searched his pockets, but finally decided he had everything with him. Yet the feeling persisted.

When he reached home his daughter ran out, stopped short, and cried, "Daddy, where's Mommy?"

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Joke # 4

Q: What can a lifesaver do for a woman a man can't?
A: Cum in five different flavours.

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Joke # 5

A young pastor was invited to speak at a conference in which there were multiple speakers. He was honored at the opportunity to speak and felt that this would be his first real break for recognition outside the confines of his own congregation.

At the beginning of the conference the auditorium was packed. During the course of the event, the crowds dwindled, and when it was his turn to speak, there was only one man left. Nonetheless, the preacher had come to preach, and preach he did. At the conclusion of his sermon, he walked down and thanked the man for coming to listen to his sermon.

Oh, said the man, "I didn't come to hear you speak; I'm the final speaker."

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Joke # 6

Katelyn asked her mother Dawn if she had a tablet or a cell phone when she was a kid.

Dawn told her no.

Katelyn was shocked. She asked, "What did you do all day?"

Dawn told her that they played outside. "During the summer, Mom would send us out of the house after breakfast," she said. "We had to be home for lunch. After lunch, we went to play outside again and we had to be home before it got dark."

Katelyn responded, "I need to have a talk with Grandma. You won't even let me walk to Leandra's house by myself and she is real close (three houses away). You need to loosen up, Mom."

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Joke # 7

Advertising Terms Explained

NEW - Different color from previous design.

ALL NEW - Parts are not interchangeable with previous design.

EXCLUSIVE - Imported product.

UNMATCHED - Almost as good as the competition.

FOOLPROOF OPERATION - No provision for adjustments.

ADVANCED DESIGN - The advertising agency doesn't understand it.

IT'S HERE AT LAST - Rush job. Nobody knew it was coming.

FIELD TESTED - Manufacturer lacks test equipment.

HIGH ACCURACY - Unit on which all parts fit.

FUTURISTIC - No other reason why it looks the way it does.

REDESIGNED - Previous flaws fixed - we hope.

DIRECT SALES ONLY - Factory had a big argument with distributor.

YEARS OF DEVELOPMENT - We finally got one to work.

BREAKTHROUGH - We finally figured out a use for it.

MAINTENANCE FREE - Impossible to fix.

MEETS ALL STANDARDS - Ours, not yours.

SOLID-STATE - Heavy as anything!

HIGH RELIABILITY - We made it work long enough to ship it

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Joke # 8

Q: Who is the poorest guy in West Virginia?
A: The Tooth Fairy

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SydesJokes Blog Posts

The Down Side of Cubicles

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2010/05/down-side-of-cubicles.html

Software Design Meeting

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2010/05/software-design-meeting.html

Weight Loss Programs

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2010/05/weight-loss-programs.html

Gulf Oil Spill - The Tonight Show With Jay Leno

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2010/05/gulf-oil-spill-tonight-show-with-jay.html

Top Ten BP Excuses

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2010/05/top-ten-bp-excuses.html

More funny posts --> http://bit.ly/h97b22

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SydesJokes Video Clips

Seagull

http://bit.ly/8Y2Q5X

Extreme Football

http://bit.ly/blZpee

Carwash Accident

http://bit.ly/dy2lJv

Transport Canada

http://bit.ly/bCjNHw

Bride Cheats

http://bit.ly/adqaPk


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Jokes for Thursday 26th March 2015

SydesJokes Blog
http://SydesJokes.blogspot.com/

SydesJokes Facebook Page
http://SydesJokes.com/Facebook

SydesJokes on tsu
http://tsu.co/SydesJokes
tsu is a free social network and payment platform that shares up to 90%
of revenues with its users (tsu is pronounced ‘Sue’)

Colin Sydes Facebook
https://www.facebook.com/colin.sydes

Colin Sydes Google+
https://plus.google.com/+ColinSydes

SydesJokes Twitter
http://twitter.com/SydesJokes

SydesJokes Flickr
http://flickr.com/SydesJokes/

SydesJokes Instagram
http://instagram.com/SydesJokes

SydesJokes Tumblr
http://SydesJokes.tumblr.com/

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SydesJokes Facebook Page Posts

Please Like the posts and leave your comments.

Be Honest

http://on.fb.me/12HVKd4

Being at home with love ones

http://on.fb.me/12HVHxH

Best Friends

http://on.fb.me/12HVHxU

Fishing Test 1

http://on.fb.me/12HVKJY

Fishing Test 2

http://on.fb.me/12HVKK7

Check more on Facebook --> http://SydesJokes.com/Facebook

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Joke # 1

It's not that I'm old




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Joke # 2

Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me alone.

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Joke # 3

Three older ladies were discussing the trials of getting older. One said, "Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand in front of the refrigerator and can't remember whether I need to put it away or start making a sandwich."

The second lady chimed in, "Yes, sometimes I find myself on the landing of the stairs and can't remember whether I was on my way up or on my way down."

The third one responded, "Well, I'm sure glad I don't have that problem, knock on wood." She raps her knuckles on the table, then she, says, "That must be the door, I'll get it."

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Joke # 4

Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs, and no sexual organs?
A: Still no fucking eye deer.

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Joke # 5

A golfer who was known for his bad temper walked into the pro shop one day and plunked down big bucks for a new set of Woods.

The staff all watched to see what would happen after he used them for the first time ... more than half expecting he'd come in and demand his money back.

But the next time he came in, he was all smiles.

They're the best clubs I've ever had, he said. "In fact, I've discovered I can throw them at least 40 yards farther than I could my last ones."

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Joke # 6

It was a particularly tough football game, and nerves were on edge. The home team had been the victim of three or four close calls, and they were now trailing the visitors by a touch-down and a field goal. When the official called yet another close one in the visitors' favor, the home quarterback blew his top.

How many times can you do this to us in a single game? he screamed. "You were wrong on the out-of-bounds, you were wrong on that last first down, and you missed an illegal tackle in the first quarter."

The official just stared.

The quarterback seethed, but he suppressed the language that might get him tossed from the game. "What it comes down to," he bellowed, "is that you STINK!"

The official stared a few more seconds. Then he bent down, picked up the ball, paced off 15 yards, and put the ball down. He turned to face the steaming quarterback.

The official finally replied, "And how do I smell from here?"

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Joke # 7

A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again.

The man seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.

The case came up in court.

The judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself.

The man replied, Well your Honor, it was like this: when the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition. She sat down under a sign that said, 'The Double Mint Twins are coming' and I grinned.

Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, ' Logan 's Liniment will reduce the swelling,' and I had to smile.

Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said, 'William's Big Stick Did the Trick,' and I could hardly contain myself.

But, Your Honor, when she moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that said, 'Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident!' ... I just lost it.'

'CASE DISMISSED!!'

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Joke # 8

Q: Why are women like condoms?
A: They spend 90% of their time in your wallet, and 10% on your dick.

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SydesJokes Blog Posts

George W. Bush Quotes

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2010/05/george-w-bush-quotes.html

How the average man spends his day

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2010/05/how-average-man-spends-his-day.html

Celebrities - Then and Now

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2010/05/celebrities-then-and-now.html

If you can't grill it - Can it

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2010/05/if-you-cant-grill-it-can-it.html

Future Trucks Today

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2010/05/future-trucks-today.html

More funny posts --> http://bit.ly/h97b22

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SydesJokes Video Clips

Smoke Inhalation

http://bit.ly/dBQQ0T

Large Screen TV

http://bit.ly/a8adYl

Horn Ass

http://bit.ly/bLMOiX

Cookie Blues

http://bit.ly/dAOb5k

Old Men in Competition

http://bit.ly/dmKDmU


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Jokes for Wednesday 25th March 2015

SydesJokes Blog
http://SydesJokes.blogspot.com/

SydesJokes Facebook Page
http://SydesJokes.com/Facebook

SydesJokes on tsu
http://tsu.co/SydesJokes
tsu is a free social network and payment platform that shares up to 90%
of revenues with its users (tsu is pronounced ‘Sue’)

Colin Sydes Facebook
https://www.facebook.com/colin.sydes

Colin Sydes Google+
https://plus.google.com/+ColinSydes

SydesJokes Twitter
http://twitter.com/SydesJokes

SydesJokes Flickr
http://flickr.com/SydesJokes/

SydesJokes Instagram
http://instagram.com/SydesJokes

SydesJokes Tumblr
http://SydesJokes.tumblr.com/

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SydesJokes Facebook Page Posts

Please Like the posts and leave your comments.

Your iPhone 5 arrived

http://on.fb.me/12HVE52

Pro-gas-ti-na-tion

http://on.fb.me/12HVE5b

Adulthood

http://on.fb.me/12HVJWo

Arrogant Bastard Beer

http://on.fb.me/12HVH0L

Bacon

http://on.fb.me/12HVHhb

Check more on Facebook --> http://SydesJokes.com/Facebook

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Joke # 1

Just sit




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Joke # 2

Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you won't have a leg to stand on.

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Joke # 3

A novice gardener who was looking for some advice asked an experienced farmer, "What would be good to plant in an area that gets very little rain, has too much late afternoon sun, has clay soil and lies on a rocky ledge?"

Replied the farmer, "How about a flagpole?"

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Joke # 4

Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes?
A: No-Eye Deer. (sound like No Idea)

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Joke # 5

A strained voice called out through the darkened theater, "Please, is there a doctor in the house?!"

Several men stood up as the lights came on.

An older lady pulled her daughter to stand next to her, "Good, are any of you doctors single and interested in a date with a nice, Jewish girl?"

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Joke # 6

When Beethoven passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Beethoven was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it.

The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave. Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate.

When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment, and said, "Ah, yes, that's Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, being played backwards."

He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony, and it's backwards, too. Most puzzling." So the magistrate kept listening; "There's the Seventh ... the Sixth ... the Fifth ..."

Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate; he stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery, "My fellow citizens, there's nothing to worry about. It's just Beethoven decomposing."

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Joke # 7

A beautiful young blonde woman boards a plane to LA with a ticket for the coach section. She looks at the seats in coach and then looks ahead to the first class seats. Seeing that the first class seats appear to be much larger and more comfortable, she moves forward to the last empty one. The flight attendant checks her ticket and tells the woman that her seat is in coach. The blonde replies, "I'm young, blonde and beautiful, and I'm going to sit here all the way to LA."

Flustered, the flight attendant goes to the cockpit and informs the captain of the blonde problem. The captain goes back and tells the woman that her assigned seat is in coach.

Again, the blonde replies, "I'm young, blonde and beautiful, and I'm going to sit here all the way to LA."

The captain doesn't want to cause a commotion, and so returns to the cockpit to discuss the blonde with the co-pilot. The co-pilot says that he has a blonde girlfriend, and that he can take care of the problem. He then goes back and briefly whispers something into the blonde's ear.

She immediately gets up, says, "Thank you so much," hugs the co-pilot, and rushes back to her seat in the coach section. The pilot and flight attendant, who were watching with rapt attention, together ask the co-pilot what he had said to the woman.

He replies, "I just told her that the first class section isn't going to LA."

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Joke # 8

Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
A: Still no eye deer.

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SydesJokes Blog Posts

Click on the ball and it will change colour

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2010/05/click-on-ball-and-it-will-change-colour.html

Murphy's Laws of Combat

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2010/05/murphys-laws-of-combat.html

Gulf Oil Spill Solution

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2010/05/gulf-oil-spill-solution.html

Connecting Past and Present

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2010/05/connecting-past-and-present.html

The Bum

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2010/05/bum.html

More funny posts --> http://bit.ly/h97b22

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SydesJokes Video Clips

Bubblicious Gum

http://bit.ly/bWtQEx

Gay Song

http://bit.ly/bpAJ6l

Railway Crossing

http://bit.ly/9nzi80

London Dungeon

http://bit.ly/9OL5fS

ADSL Advert

http://bit.ly/9tkR20


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Jokes for Tuesday 24th March 2015

SydesJokes Blog
http://SydesJokes.blogspot.com/

SydesJokes Facebook Page
http://SydesJokes.com/Facebook

SydesJokes on tsu
http://tsu.co/SydesJokes
tsu is a free social network and payment platform that shares up to 90%
of revenues with its users (tsu is pronounced ‘Sue’)

Colin Sydes Facebook
https://www.facebook.com/colin.sydes

Colin Sydes Google+
https://plus.google.com/+ColinSydes

SydesJokes Twitter
http://twitter.com/SydesJokes

SydesJokes Flickr
http://flickr.com/SydesJokes/

SydesJokes Instagram
http://instagram.com/SydesJokes

SydesJokes Tumblr
http://SydesJokes.tumblr.com/

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SydesJokes Facebook Page Posts

Please Like the posts and leave your comments.

Surround yourself with the dreamers and the doers

http://on.fb.me/12HVDhy

Drink Coffee

http://on.fb.me/12HVDxW

Of course gay men dress well

http://on.fb.me/12HVGtQ

Men Are Like Coffee

http://on.fb.me/12HVGK8

Feel Spontaneous

http://on.fb.me/12HVDOG

Check more on Facebook --> http://SydesJokes.com/Facebook

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Joke # 1

Nelson Mandela Quote




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Joke # 2

A man was talking to a woman in a bar. "I have a 10 inch cock," he boasted. "Well," she answered, "I find that hard to swallow."

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Joke # 3

People in a small town can exhibit extraordinary levels of trust. I was collecting shopping carts outside the grocery store where I work when a man and woman pulled up in a brand-new sports car. Noticing the dealer plates and the price sticker on the window, I assumed the couple were deciding whether to buy the vehicle.

Test drive? I asked.

The man gave me a long, careful stare. "I guess," he shrugged and tossed me the keys.

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Joke # 4

Q: What's the difference between a woman and a computer?
A: A computer only needs the information punched into it once.

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Joke # 5

Five-year-old Christine, an only child, spent the day playing next door with two girls who were sisters. When Christine came home, she told her parents Emily and Samuel, "I want a baby sister so bad. Please can I get one?"

Her parents looked at each other and laughed. Emily said, "A sister would be fun."

But if we have another baby it could be a boy, added Samuel.

Christine thought a moment and said, "Never mind. It isn't worth the risk."

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Joke # 6

Abraham wanted a new suit, so he bought a nice piece of cloth and then tried to locate a tailor. The first tailor he visited looked at the cloth and measured Abraham, then told him the cloth was not enough to make a suit.

Abraham was unhappy with this opinion and sought another tailor. This tailor measured Abraham, then measured the cloth, and then smiled and said, "There is enough cloth to make a pair of trousers, a coat and a vest, please come back in a week to take your suit."

After a week Abraham came to take his new suit, and saw the tailor's son wearing trousers made of the same cloth.

Perplexed, he asked, "Just how could you make a full suit for me and trousers for your son, when the other tailor could not make a suit only?"

It's very simple, replied the tailor, "The other tailor has two sons."

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Joke # 7

All too rarely, airline attendants make an effort to make the in-flight "safety lecture", and their other announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:

1. On a Continental Flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort, and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."

2. On landing the stewardess said, "There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out off this airplane."

3. As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington National, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"

4. After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced, "Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted."

5. "In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with more than one small child, pick your favorite."

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Joke # 8

Q: Why don't cannibals eat clowns?
A: Because they taste funny.

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SydesJokes Blog Posts

Leaving Work Early

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2010/06/leaving-work-early.html

Things not to say on a date

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2010/06/things-not-to-say-on-date.html

$40,000.00 Funeral

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2010/06/4000000-funeral.html

Ol' Blue

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2010/06/ol-blue.html

Money

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2010/05/money.html

More funny posts --> http://bit.ly/h97b22

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SydesJokes Video Clips

Losing Head

http://bit.ly/d3p8UM

Phillips Phone

http://bit.ly/aLubVb

Highway Explosion

http://bit.ly/b6kttr

Suck It In

http://bit.ly/a13hYE

Automatic Hand Gun

http://bit.ly/cIeHxy


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Jokes for Monday 23rd March 2015

SydesJokes Blog
http://SydesJokes.blogspot.com/

SydesJokes Facebook Page
http://SydesJokes.com/Facebook

SydesJokes on tsu
http://tsu.co/SydesJokes
tsu is a free social network and payment platform that shares up to 90%
of revenues with its users (tsu is pronounced ‘Sue’)

Colin Sydes Facebook
https://www.facebook.com/colin.sydes

Colin Sydes Google+
https://plus.google.com/+ColinSydes

SydesJokes Twitter
http://twitter.com/SydesJokes

SydesJokes Flickr
http://flickr.com/SydesJokes/

SydesJokes Instagram
http://instagram.com/SydesJokes

SydesJokes Tumblr
http://SydesJokes.tumblr.com/

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SydesJokes Facebook Page Posts

Please Like the posts and leave your comments.

You're Fat

http://on.fb.me/12HVD10

Applying for a job at IKEA

http://on.fb.me/12HVFGc

Eleanor Roosevelt #Quote

http://on.fb.me/12HVFWB

Talk to guy about her problems

http://on.fb.me/12HVD16

I'm Not fat

http://on.fb.me/12HVGd2

Check more on Facebook --> http://SydesJokes.com/Facebook

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Joke # 1

Working Hard




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Joke # 2

She was only a Meter-Reader's Daughter but she liked a copper in her slot.

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Joke # 3

A man commissioned Picasso to paint a portrait of his wife. Startled by the nonrepresentational image on the canvas, the woman's husband complained, "It isn't how she really looks."

When asked by the painter how she really looked, the man produced a photograph from his wallet.

Returning the photography Pablo observed, "Small, isn't she?"

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Joke # 4

Q: What do you do if a bird shits on your car?
A: Don't ask her out again.

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Joke # 5

The salesman at the electronics store was pitching a high-definition television to a customer.

A fellow shopper, overhearing the spiel, mentioned that he'd upgraded his regular TV to high-def.

How did you do that? my husband asked.

I dusted the screen.

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Joke # 6

Three ministers are talking over lunch and before long find themselves discussing how much of the weekly offering is appropriate to keep and how much to give to the Lord.

The first minister says, "I just draw a line on the floor, put one foot on both sides, and throw the money into the air. Whatever lands on the right side of the line is God's and whatever lands on the left is mine."

The second minister notes that he uses a similar method, but "I use a small coffee table when I throw the money in the air and whatever lands on the table goes to the Lord and whatever lands on the floor is mine." They both contemplate each other's answer and finally turn to the third minister who is sitting there without saying anything. "Well, how do you do it?" asks the first to the third.

Well, I do as you both do and throw the money into the air, but I figure whatever the Lord wants, he'll grab, and I keep whatever hits the floor.

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Joke # 7

Signs You've Grown Up

1. Your house plants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them.
2. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
5. You hear your favorite song on an elevator.
6. You watch the Weather Channel.
7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of hook up and break up.
8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up."
10. You're the one calling the police because those damn kids next door won't turn down the stereo.
11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
13. Your car insurance goes down and your payments go up.
14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonalds leftovers.
15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
16. You no longer take naps from noon to 6 PM.
17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.
19. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff."
20. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
21. "I just can't drink the way I used to," replaces, "I'm never going to drink that much again."
22. You no longer drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
23. You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that this doesn't apply to you.

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Joke # 8

Q: What do you call 100 men at the bottom of the ocean?
A: A good start.

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SydesJokes Blog Posts

The Golf Robot

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2010/07/golf-robot.html

Modern Day Noah's Ark

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2010/07/modern-day-noahs-ark.html

Car Shaped House

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2010/07/car-shaped-house.html

Twitter Jokes

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2010/07/twitter-jokes.html

Homeless Man's Funeral

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2010/06/homeless-mans-funeral.html

More funny posts --> http://bit.ly/h97b22

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SydesJokes Video Clips

Juggling With A Twist

http://bit.ly/dp9j3e

Sausage Girl

http://bit.ly/a0Y0HX

Redneck Jam

http://bit.ly/czDPKs

Molson Canadian

http://bit.ly/alNyDj

Sobriety Test

http://bit.ly/djl4Yf


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Jokes for Sunday 22nd March 2015

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SydesJokes Facebook Page Posts

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Librarians

http://on.fb.me/1tTPwQM

Political Football

http://on.fb.me/UEyB8u

Bill Gates needed a new phone

http://on.fb.me/1qdgIe8

Enjoy the little things in life

http://on.fb.me/1yLrERL

Don't be afraid of change

http://on.fb.me/1yLrF8h

Check more on Facebook --> http://SydesJokes.com/Facebook

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Joke # 1

Ambition is the first step to success




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Joke # 2

My ex came into the bedroom one night holding a jalapeno pepper in his hand. I asked him why he would bring pepper to our bedroom? He told me that we needed to spice up our love life!

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Joke # 3

Doctor: - Madam, please prepare your husband for the worst!

Wife: - Oh God, will he die?

Doctor:- No. He will not be allowed to drink any beer!

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Joke # 4

Q: Why did the tree fall down?
A: The koala forgot to let go.

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Joke # 5

Little Johnny was at football practice one day and the coach said

Who here thinks they can jump higher than the goal posts

Immediately little Johnny said, "Ooh me sir me"

The coach then said, "But Johnny you are the worst in the team!"

Then Johnny said, "I know, but goalposts can’t jump!"

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Joke # 6

Rhonda went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00.

Why so little? she asked the pet store owner.

The owner replied, "Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of prostitution, and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff."

The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird anyway. She took it home and hung the bird's cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something. The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, "New house, new madam."

The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought "That's not so bad."

When her two teenage daughters returned from school the bird saw them and said, "New house, new madam, new girls."

The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then began to laugh about the situation.

Moments later, the woman's husband, Robert, came home from work. The bird looked at him and said, "Hi Robert."

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Joke # 7

While cruising at 40,000 feet, the airplane shuddered and Mr. Benson looked out the window. "Goodness!" he screamed, "one of the engines just blew up!"

Other passengers left their seats and came running over; suddenly the aircraft was rocked by a second blast as yet another engine exploded on the other side.

The passengers were in a panic now, and even the flight attendants couldn't maintain order. Just then, standing tall and smiling confidently, the pilot strode from the cockpit and assured everyone that there was nothing to worry about.

His words and his demeanor seemed to make most of the passengers feel better, and they sat down as the pilot calmly walked to the door of the aircraft. There, he grabbed several packages from under the seats and began handing them to the flight attendants.

Each crew member attached the package to their backs.

Say, spoke up an alert passenger, "aren't those parachutes?"

The pilot said they were. The passenger went on, "But I thought you said there was nothing to worry about?"

There isn't, replied the pilot as a third engine exploded. "We're going to get help."

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Joke # 8

Q: How many male chauvinist pigs does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, let the bitch cook in the dark.

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SydesJokes Blog Posts

11 Tips for Managers

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2010/08/11-tips-for-managers-blog.html

Worlds Largest Model Rocket

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2010/08/worlds-largest-model-rocket-blog.html

Sex Test For Rednecks

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2010/08/sex-test-for-rednecks-blog.html

The Bamboo Car

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2010/08/bamboo-car-blog.html

Lots to Brag About!

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2010/08/lots-to-brag-about.html

More funny posts --> http://bit.ly/h97b22

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SydesJokes Video Clips

Navy Recruitment Advert

http://bit.ly/bLQDo0

The Dad Blanket

http://bit.ly/auRihU

George Bush Quotes

http://bit.ly/aUTZgg

Berlusconi - The Man Who Critisized the Finnish Food

http://bit.ly/bNchbW

Pepsi Advert

http://bit.ly/ccXohT


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Jokes for Saturday 21st March 2015

SydesJokes Blog
http://SydesJokes.blogspot.com/

SydesJokes Facebook Page
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SydesJokes Facebook Page Posts

Please Like the posts and leave your comments.

So now we know how Samsung was born

http://on.fb.me/1n7efNy

Mac and PC

http://on.fb.me/1n7eh7U

Never make a decision when you're angry

http://on.fb.me/1n7eh82

Listening to music while working

http://on.fb.me/1n7ehos

Seniors

http://on.fb.me/1n7eiZH

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Joke # 1

Mark Twain Quote




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Joke # 2

"How do you spell clitoris?" "I don't know, but I had it on the tip of my tongue just a moment ago."

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Joke # 3

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her 4th grade class.

After explaining the commandment to honor thy father and mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"

Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill."

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Joke # 4

Q: What is Osama bin Laden's idea of safe sex?
A: Marking the camels that kick.

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Joke # 5

A man writing at the post office desk was approached by an older fellow with a post card in his hand. The old man said, "Sir, I'm sorry to bother you but could you address this post card for me? My arthritis is acting up and I can't even hold a pen."

Certainly, sir, said the younger man. He wrote out the address and also agreed to write a short message and sign the card for the man. Finally, the younger man asked, "Now, is there anything else I can do for you?"

The old fellow glanced at the card a moment and said, "Yes, at the end could you just add, 'PS: Please excuse the sloppy hand-writing?'"

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Joke # 6

There was a student who was desirous of taking admission for a study course.

He was smart enough to get through the written test, a GD and was to appear for the personal interview. Later, as the interview progressed, the interviewer found this boy to be bright since he could answer all the questions correctly. The interviewer got impatient and decided to corner the boy.

Tell me your choice; said he to the boy, "What's your choice: I shall either ask you ten easy questions or ONE real difficult. Think well before you make up your mind."

The boy thought for a while and said, "My choice is ONE real difficult question."

Well, good luck to you, you have made your own choice! said the man on the opposite side. Tell me: What comes first, Day or Night?"

The boy was jolted first but he waited for a while and said: "It's the DAY, sir."

How??????? the interviewer was smiling ("At last, I got you!" he said to himself.)

Sorry sir, you promised me that you will not ask me a SECOND difficult question!

Admission for the course was thus secured.

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Joke # 7

A shy little 4-year-old came in to the dentist for his first cleaning and check-up.

The hygienist tried to strike up a conversation but no response.

After the cleaning, the dentist was called in to do the final check.

The dentist tried to strike up a conversation as well.

How old are you? No response.

The dentist then asked, "Don't you know how old you are?"

Immediately four tiny fingers went up.

Oh, replied the dentist, "and do you know how old that is?"

Four little fingers went up once again.

Continuing the effort to get a response, the dentist asked, "Can you talk?"

The solemn little patient looked at him and asked, "Can you count?"

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Joke # 8

Q: What should Kabul get for its air defense system?
A: A refund.

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SydesJokes Blog Posts

Land Rover's Car Sculpture

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2010/08/land-rovers-car-sculpture.html

Man's Pearls of Wisdom

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2010/08/mans-pearls-of-wisdom.html

I Fought For You By The Sound Tank

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2010/08/i-fought-for-you-by-sound-tank.html

Arab Way

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2010/08/arab-way.html

Why The English Language Is Hard To Learn

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2010/08/why-english-language-is-hard-to-learn.html

More funny posts --> http://bit.ly/h97b22

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SydesJokes Video Clips

Do Not Wash

http://bit.ly/aYfcH6

Stress Relief Song

http://bit.ly/9gqCUd

Deers Fighting

http://bit.ly/9ARtF1

A Beer Odyssey - Drunkest Guy Ever

http://bit.ly/d9dcH3

Ferry in Rough Seas

http://bit.ly/bVaHBl


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Jokes for Friday 20th March 2015

SydesJokes Blog
http://SydesJokes.blogspot.com/

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SydesJokes Facebook Page Posts

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Reading to children

http://on.fb.me/1n7eeZS

On Shanghai Tower

http://on.fb.me/1n7efgm

The Outernet

http://on.fb.me/1n7egB0

Albert Einstein #Quote

http://on.fb.me/1n7efNm

No matter how you feel

http://on.fb.me/1n7egRp

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Joke # 1

The smarter you get the less you speak




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Joke # 2

We discern a clever man by his answers and a wise one by his questions.

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Joke # 3

A man is bragging about his new hearing aid. "It's the best I've ever had," he says. "It cost $3,000."

His friend asks, "What kind is it?"

He says, "Half past four!"

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Joke # 4

Q: Why did the ref call a penalty during the Leper Hockey game?
A: Because there was a face off in the corner.

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Joke # 5

So this guy took his wife on a fishing trip, and she did everything wrong.

First, she kept talking out loud; everybody know that scares the fish away!

Then she used the wrong bait.

And then she was reeling in the line too soon.

But worst of all, she caught a lot more fish than he did!

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Joke # 6

A honeymoon couple is in the Watergate Hotel.

The new bride is concerned and asked, "What if the place is still bugged?"

The groom says "Hmm ... Good point. I'll look for a bug."

He looks behind the drapes, behind the pictures, under the rug ... "AHA!" he shouts!

Sure enough, under the rug was a small disc shaped plate, with four screws. He gets his Swiss army knife, unscrews the screws, throws them and the plate out the window.

The next morning, the hotel manager asks the newlyweds "How was your room? How was the service? How was your stay at the Watergate Hotel?"

Curious, the groom says, "And why, sir, are you asking me all of these questions?"

The hotel manager says "Well, the room UNDER yours complained of the chandelier falling on them!"

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Joke # 7

A Mother's Vocabulary

AMNESIA:

Condition that enables a woman who has gone through labor to make love again.

DUMBWAITER:

One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.

FAMILY PLANNING:

The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster.

FEEDBACK:

The inevitable result when your baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.

FULL NAME:

What you call your child when you're mad at him.

GRANDPARENTS:

The people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right.

HEARSAY:

What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.

IMPREGNABLE:

A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.

INDEPENDENT:

How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.

POW:

The first word spoken by children with older siblings.

PUDDLE:

A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry clothes into it.

SHOW OFF:

A child who is more talented than yours.

STERILIZE:

What you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it.

TOP BUNK:

Where you should never put a child wearing Superman pajamas.

TWO MINUTE WARNING:

When the baby's face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.

VERBAL:

Able to whine in words.

WHODUNIT:

None of the kids that live in your house..

WEEKEND:

When Dad gets to play golf while Mom catches up on the laundry, cleans the house, runs errands, etc.

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Joke # 8

Q: What's a Lepers favorite sport?
A: Football.

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SydesJokes Blog Posts

Hospital Efficiency

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2010/09/hospital-efficiency.html

Camels in the desert

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2010/09/camels-in-desert.html

iPad Stand

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2010/09/ipad-stand.html

The Melting Zone of Greenland

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2010/09/melting-zone-of-greenland.html

The BEST break up letter ever!!

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2010/09/best-break-up-letter-ever.html

More funny posts --> http://bit.ly/h97b22

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SydesJokes Video Clips

Agfa

http://bit.ly/9Urgb0

Amazing Flying Penguins

http://bit.ly/9eCFgD

Flying Hovercraft

http://bit.ly/gKyQ2T

Kegos

http://bit.ly/bHseKi

Monkey On Motorbike

http://bit.ly/9vgAxN


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Jokes for Wednesday 18th March 2015

SydesJokes Blog
http://SydesJokes.blogspot.com/

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SydesJokes on tsu
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Colin Sydes Google+
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SydesJokes Twitter
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SydesJokes Instagram
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SydesJokes Tumblr
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SydesJokes Facebook Page Posts

Please Like the posts and leave your comments.

Give two reasons not to fire her

http://on.fb.me/1sb0heH

Grillbillies

http://on.fb.me/1shBaXM

Mad Hatter #Quote

http://on.fb.me/1shB8iv

The Wal Mart 500

http://on.fb.me/1shBbed

The first

http://on.fb.me/1shB8yY

Check more on Facebook --> http://SydesJokes.com/Facebook

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Joke # 1

Grammar is important




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Joke # 2

If you try and don't succeed, cheat. Repeat until caught. Then lie.

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Joke # 3

A secretary was bragging about her boss. She said, "My boss says, nothing is impossible."

The intimate friend said, "Ya, well tell him next time not to wear a condom during sex, enjoy it intimately and control pregnancy prospects."

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Joke # 4

Q: What do you do if an elephant comes through your window?
A: Swim!

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Joke # 5

A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.

As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.

The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."

The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."

Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl: replied, "They will in a minute."

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Joke # 6

While taxiing at London Gatwick, the crew of a US Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727. An irate female ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming: "US Air 2771, where the hell are you going! I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it's difficult for you to tell the difference between 'C' and 'D', but get it right!"

Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically: "God! Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to sort this out! You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to! You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour, and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got that, US Air 2771?"

Yes ma'am, the humbled crew responded. Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging the irate ground controller in her current state of mind. Tension in every cockpit out in Gatwick was definitely running high.

Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his microphone, asking: "Wasn't I married to you once?"

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Joke # 7

There once was a powerful Japanese emperor who needed a new chief samurai. So he sent out a declaration throughout the entire known world that he was searching for a chief.

A year passed, and only three people applied for the very demanding position: a Japanese samurai, a Chinese samurai, and a Jewish samurai.

The emperor asked the Japanese samurai to come in and demonstrate why he should be the chief samurai. The Japanese samurai opened a matchbox, and out popped a bumblebee. Whoosh! went his sword. The bumblebee dropped dead, chopped in half.

The emperor exclaimed, "That is very impressive!" The emperor then issued the same challenge to the Chinese samurai, to come in and demonstrate why he should be chosen. The Chinese samurai also opened a matchbox and out buzzed a fly. Whoosh, whoosh, whoosh, whoosh! The fly dropped dead, chopped into four small pieces.

The emperor exclaimed, "That is very impressive!"

Now the emperor turned to the Jewish samurai, and asked him to demonstrate why he should be the chief samurai. The Jewish Samurai opened a matchbox, and out flew a gnat. His flashing sword went Whoosh! But the gnat was still alive and flying around.

The emperor, obviously disappointed, said, "Very ambitious, but why is that gnat not dead?"

The Jewish Samurai just smiled and said, "Circumcision is not meant to kill."

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Joke # 8

Q: Why did the koala fall out of the tree?
A: Because it was dead.

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SydesJokes Blog Posts

10 Step Guide For The Do-It-Yourself Handyman

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2010/12/10-step-guide-for-do-it-yourself.html

New TSA T-Shirts - 3 of 3

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2010/12/new-tsa-t-shirts-3-of-3.html

New TSA T-Shirts - 2 of 3

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2010/12/new-tsa-t-shirts-2-of-3.html

New TSA T-Shirts - 1 of 3

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2010/12/new-tsa-t-shirts-1-of-3.html

Advantages of Being a Temp

http://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2010/11/advantages-of-being-temp-blog.html

More funny posts --> http://bit.ly/h97b22

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SydesJokes Video Clips

No God in Schools

http://bit.ly/bw0waT

Salmon

http://bit.ly/a2zSNh

Brit Fight

http://bit.ly/d1Wuud

Time For Your Own Car

http://bit.ly/cbutOx

Expert Blowjob Video

http://bit.ly/aBKB6C


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